Break the Chains of Abuse
By Nomar Knight
As you all may already know, I hate abuse of any kind. Perhaps one of the best ways to deal with abuse is to try and understand why it occurs. However, I believe I’ll never understand the psyche behind a spouse’s willingness to put up with abuse. The only reasonable explanation that comes to mind is that the entire process becomes an addiction. The aggressors indulge in the acquisition of power to the point they feel the need to express themselves. The victims find they need the morbid display of affection even though they know it’s wrong.
One of my favorite songs is Eminem’s LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE which features Rihanna who happens to know from personal experience what it’s like to get bashed in by a boyfriend. Here is an excerpt of the lyrics to the song.
Rihanna sings:
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem raps
I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can’t breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It’s like I’m in flight
High off of love
Drunk from my hate
It’s like I’m huffing paint
And I love it the more I suffer
I suffocate
And right before I’m about to drown
She resuscitates me
She freakin’ hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I’m leaving you
No you ain’t
Come back
We’re running right back
Here we go again
It’s so insane
Cause when it’s going good
It’s going great
I’m Superman
With the wind in his back
She’s Lois Lane
But when it’s bad
It’s awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who’s that dude
I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her
I’ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don’t’ know
My own strength
I understand addiction is extremely difficult to overcome because a habitual cycle must be broken in order to step away from abuse. The question I pose to my Knight Chills readers is: how can you help someone that either doesn’t recognize they have a problem, or doesn’t want to break the chains of abuse?
Listen to the song in the video link and comment. I’d love to know what you think about this subject.
Catch you on the dark side.
Nomar Knight
©2011 Nomar Knight. All rights reserved.
A Knight Chills Presentation.
wow - well said. I can tell you that if you know enough pain, it's a coping mechanism to find joy in it *somehow* - and I think that's how the addiction starts. And if you've never had respect, you never think anyone will ever respect you - so you take bad behavior without pushing back.
ReplyDeleteI'll put it another way - what if your parents beat you and punished you every time you voiced how you felt? That robs you of your voice - for life. You grow up thinking *you don't matter* - and you'll take what you get *from them* and be grateful you're not out on the street. How does that child become an empowered adult? The problem for most is they were robbed of all boundaries and respect when they were young - and like the elephant story goes - you grow up to be a big elephant - never realizing you can now push back and break those chains :D
Is it possible that an individual believes the abuser is acting out his desire for love? I've spoken to many abused individuals and I keep hearing the same thing, "But he loves me."
ReplyDeleteLove is gentle, love is kind. Abuse never expresses love. Abuse only expresses fear, anxiety, and a need for power.
I always picture an abused person as someone sitting in the middle of a dark room. Unable to see anything around them. Fearful of moving because something worse could be out there. Maybe if someone turned on the lights.
I'm with you Nomar. I hate abuse as well.