Mean Girls Aren't Boring

A Real Life Horror Character in the Making

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell
her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'

Now, little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into
trouble at school and at home.... Carol's mother asked her if she thought she
deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Of course little Carol thought she did.

Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her
behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why
she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to
her room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:

Dear God:

I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend, Carol

 Carol knew this wasn't true.  She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:

Dear God:

This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:

Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset.  She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said. Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary , slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.

LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,

YOU KNOW WHO

Some closets should stay closed. You evil girl!

This was my prom date. Ain't she hot?

Some bad girls grow up and do bad things, but we men get burned because of it.  Case in point: this poor fellow's story. 


Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and
confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We
stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to
make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had
to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my
fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went
on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked
already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch
didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy
mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they
finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where
does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the
husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so
he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet
were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

This is the evil girl I dumped on prom night. She's still pissed off.

Anyone have her phone number?

Yea, I love a good bad girl. Thanks for stopping by.

See you on the dark side.

Nomar Knight

The jokes were sent via email by Marilyn Salerno. I thank you, darling. 

A Knight Chills presentation.

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