Saturday, December 11, 2010

Road Rage: Alternatives to Bitch Slapping

I recently had an experience where I lost my patience with another driver and had one of my passengers flip her the bird.  The cause of my woes refused to allow me to merge into the lane only to have to stop further and allow the natural merge to take place, hence prompting our unoriginal salute.  She answered back by pulling out The Bible and waving it.  I imagine she sent us straight to hell.  Funny how the cause of road rage, the bible wielding nutcase, exhibited more rage than I did and she had the gumption to hide behind religion.

Here are a few tidbits I found around the net.

Road Rage Shutdown
by Author Unknown

I was driving in Manhattan. There's traffic, nobody's moving...the guy behind me is honking just at me. He kept yelling at me. I decided that I'm gonna argue with this guy, but I'm gonna argue about something else. I'm not having his argument; I'm having mine. So he's like, "Go!" And I go, "Well, give me back my jacket!" And he stopped. I was like, "Yeah, you got my jacket! Give it back! I said you could borrow it, not have it! You're stretching it, you fat pig! Give it back, now!" He got back in his car, and he locked his doors.

If you can demonstrate that you're more insane than the lunatic who wants to battle, then you may slap some metaphorical sense into him like the lady did.

Road Rage

Yet another example of how road rage can transform people into real life monsters.  Check out the angry cat below.

Even the most tamed cats can lose their patience.

Have you ever fought for a parking spot?

Funny Pictures

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This reminds of the time I was waiting 45 minutes for a parking spot in Manhattan and when a car finally pulled out, another vehicle stormed past me and stole the spot.  The bad-ass dude actually got out of his car and tried to intimidate me by scowling.  In my mind I pulled out my nine millimeter and pumped 6 shots into his skull. But in reality I drove up the block, took a spot further away, bought a quart of beer, sat on the bench and studied the bad-ass dude's car.  He got so worried that I would do something to his vehicle, he left.  True story.

I leave you with:

* For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter.

* You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a "more serious weapon."

* You've stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters.

* Local Crips now have a hand signal for "Get Off The Road, That Psycho's Coming!"

* On your license, under "restrictions", it says, "Valium Required."

* That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament.

* The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD.

* You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day.

* You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you're in line for communion.

* The car's a year old, but you're already on your fifth horn.

* Your saw blades don't work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race.

* You've traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings.

* You'd flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights.

* You've plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain.

Remember, it's a crazy holiday season and we should do our best to get along. Happy Holidays and be careful out there.  

See you on the dark side. 

Nomar Knight

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