Sunday, December 12, 2010

Release The Beast Inside You


Release the Beast Inside You



We are all capable of allowing our inner beast to come out and play, but when we do; shame slaps us into recognizing that a stranger lives inside us. ~ The Book of Tortured Souls

     Now that the holiday season has its greedy claws upon us it’s important to remember who we are as individuals.  I say embrace your dark side.  As a writer I’m always on the lookout for new and interesting characters.  So I understand since I’ll be travelling back to my roots this holiday season that perhaps something sinister will present itself while I’m celebrating with family and friends. Of course, I’m hoping that whatever evil lies ahead keeps its distance away from loved ones. 

     Here are a few things that may trigger the beast inside me:

  • 1.      When I pass through security to board the plane I must not allow the temptation to get naked to overtake me.  I know it’s the best way to avoid the darn body scanners, but why scare the heck out of everyone, including any innocent children that may be present.  

  • 2.      When the security person frisks me I must bite my lip, grin and bear it even if he or she touches my privates.  Normally when an unauthorized person grabs my gonads or buttocks I would either punch them or give them the horny face.  If it’s someone authorized, I expect them to whisper encouraging words like: “Wow or you really are a sexy beast, aren’t you?”

  • 3.      If I see someone committing odd behavior like staring too long at a beautiful woman or attempting to sniff a female’s shoes, I must resist the urge to either ask the stalker for his autograph by making a public spectacle of the fact he’s staring at a woman or asking the lady if she was able to get all the vomit off her shoes.
  • 4.      Resist the urge to shut a screaming child’s mouth with duct tape and threaten him with my mobster voice.
  • 5.      Do my best to avoid a long battle for the armrest.  Darn airlines leave enough space for small alien creatures and not overweight humans like me. I know I’ll miss my axe.
  • 6.       Try not to throw back the small bag of chips and not complain about having some coffee with my water.  Yes, the coffee is that watered down.  I suppose it could be worse like drinking blood.
  • 7.      I must stop assuming that another passenger is out to steal my laptop.  I’m sure that only a small percentage will be miscreants and losers.  
  • 8.      I should try to avoid visions of throwing any annoying passengers off the plane while at 30, 000 feet.  Why get my hopes up when 5000 feet will do just fine.
  • 9.      If the airplane hits too many air pockets I should resist temptation to choke the life out of the pilot thereby announcing to the second in command he just got a promotion.
  • 10.  I should relax and shut my eyes even if I know a pervert is constantly staring at me.  The beast inside me would apply a choke-hold and tell everyone that my “friend” needed hands on sleep therapy. 
  • 11.  Avoid falling asleep at all costs.  Everyone on that plane has a story to tell and I’m just the guy to tell it.
  • 12.  I should not take a little time to write doomsday poetry and recite it aloud for all to hear.  Here’s a possible title to my first poem: We’re All Gonna Die.    
  • 13.  And finally when the person next to me asks what I do for a living, I should resist the temptation to tell the truth, that I order others to torture and murder just about every day of the week. Wink. Wink.

     I’m definitely looking forward to this vacation.  I hope you enjoyed my self portrait.

     See you on the dark side.

     Nomar Knight

© Copyright Nomar Knight 2010. All rights reserved.
A Knight Chills presentation.

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for the giggle ... of the completely evil Terror Twin variety of course. ;)Have a safe and fun trip and Holiday season filled with inspiration! <3

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  2. Thank you Mara. Happy holidays to you too. :)

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  3. lol I really enjoyed your list. Have a great trip, Nomar. Happy Holidays!

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  4. Thanks Mary. I'm glad I could put a smile on that pretty face. ;-)

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  5. Ok, now I want to be in line behind you, at the airport, so I can see if you resist the beast, lol. And I would use the duct tape.

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  6. Well Jezri, perhaps you should keep a close eye on the news and hopefully I won't be on it as the nutcase who lost his marbles at the airport.

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