Spirits in a Cemetery by Nomar Knight

Ye who, passing graves by night,

Glance not to the left nor right,

Lest a spirit should arise,

Cold and white, to freeze your eyes...

~James Russell Lowell, "The Ghost-Seer"

Spirits in a Cemetery

By Nomar Knight

The mind claims a trickery of light

To explain ghosts roaming at night

Frozen in a state of awe

Confirmed by a crow's caw

Should you be inclined to run

You'll miss out on all the fun

Cemeteries aren't just for the idle dead

Nor an apparition without a head

When at last you try to move

Scary thoughts kill your groove

If a hand reaches for your booze

The ghost just wants to shmooze

Perhaps he's you're only friend

Since the living only pretend

Share your spirit if you can

For once he was a man

Who sang and drank and bled

But now your new friend's dead

Don't tell a soul of your new mate

They'll insist that ghosts don't date

Secrets are better kept not shared

It's not like you were dared

To stroll upon the solemn grounds

Amidst white shadows and hell hounds

So drink up now and cheers to you

No more loneliness or feeling blue

Two happy drunks are better than one

Who knew that cemeteries were fun

Just be sure to go back home

Lest you become a ghost that roams

©2015 Nomar Knight. All rights reserved.

A Nomar Knight Poem.

The Birth of a Serial Killer

The Birth of a Serial Killer
by Nomar Knight


There's a 21 day junk food challenge going around. I saw one lady who managed to lose a whopping six pounds in three weeks. Um, I don't believe in diets. Here's a list of what you can't eat during the 21 days of hell:

No chocolate (I'm a chocoholic. Why on earth would I want to deprive myself of pleasure)?

No candy (Okay, I'm an older person, um, I mean a big boy).

No biscuits or cookies (I've stayed away though recently melted over chocolate chip cookies).

No cakes, donuts, or muffins. (Shoot me already)!!!!

No pastries (Pretty good at staying away but I am weak).

No white bread  (I switched to wheat, turned out that's worse for me). (Loads the gun).

No chips  (For goodness sake)!!

No fast food (Been doing a great job at staying away from those poisonous places).

No soda. (Ha! I rarely drink the stuff).

No ice cream  (Puts the loaded gun to my head).


It seems to me I would have to sacrifice too much in order to lose a measly six pounds. I could lose the same thing eating healthy alternatives a few times a day and light jogging three days a week. In fact, I had lost 14 pounds in a month in a half with exercise and a change in eating habits. Packed it all back in though when I injured my heel. Now it's back to the drawing board. My foot's much improved. 

As a writer, I love to speculate. This is what I think would happen if I tried this 21 day no junk food challenge. 

1. Assuming I could go so long without chocolate, I'm sure that I would become a serial killer. 
2. No candy means I wouldn't be able to get closer to my targets, (child molesters) at the local candy stores. 
3. No biscuits or cookies means limited time to flirt with little old ladies. 
4. No cakes, donuts, or muffins means I wouldn't see my police officer friends anymore. Well, there's always the bar. 
5. As for the rest of the list, I'm sure my list of victims would grow to politicians and spousal abusers. 

So should I try this dumb challenge? 

Nah, I'll pass thank you. Would you try the challenge? Have you tried this challenge? I'd like to know your results. 


Catch you on the dark side.

Nomar Knight

© Copyright Nomar Knight 2015. All rights reserved.

A Knight Chills Presentation.

The Strange Side Of What If

The Strange Side of What If

By Nomar Knight

Warning! If you’re religious you may find this blog entry to be disturbingly offensive.

As some of you may know, I’m on vacation. Unfortunately, it’s a vacation without a physical destination other than my apartment. L As a result of not having the distraction of work, thoughts begin to interrupt any shot I have at serenity. The thoughts appear in the form of what if scenarios. Here are a few…

What if religion has it wrong?

What if it’s not God, but G.O.D. which stands for Givers of Destiny? Yes, givers as in an entire network of beings working to fulfill your wishes in advance to your trip, um, life experience.

What if for some reason you’re not satisfied with your life; and if you behaved unselfishly, you get a shot at another life? In other words, what if reincarnation is REAL?

What if when you die and don’t believe that Jesus is the son of God? As a result, your after death experience doesn’t include the hippie looking bearded white guy, but a morbid clown on account of all those killer clown movies you watched.

What if you were an atheist and instead of meeting George Carlin in the afterlife, you find yourself stuck in a room with no windows or doors and just a bunch of mirrors surrounding you? Does that mean you have to pray to yourself? Will Joe Pesci save you? And more importantly, how do you get out?

What if Heaven is real but once you’re there to stay, you are faced with interesting choices. One possible choice may be that you may want to spy on your spouse to see how quickly she cheated on you. I’m sorry I meant “look after” loved ones. Perhaps another possible choice would be to haunt your killer and his entire family for generations to come. Nah! Haunting wouldn’t be sanctioned in heaven. Heaven is supposed to be for good people. Animals and innocent children get in automatically. I know this because it is written in the Bible that the hippie guy said that it’s easy for children to get into the kingdom of heaven. He also said rich people are screwed. And the Bible is a trustworthy source, right? As for the animals, I’ve seen pictures of ghosts in the form of pets like cats and dogs. I’ve seen it on the internet so it must be true, right?

What if heaven is a dimension that could be travelled through one of two ways? Way number one which is easy but painful at least at first, is through death. The big finale is guaranteed to us all and many of us are afraid that we’re running out of time. The second way is through time itself. In other words, what if we can travel through a portal that will take us to heaven? The concept sounds ludicrous upon further thought since the realm of heaven is preserved for souls not bodies. How do I know that? Let’s just say I have a hunch.

What if religion is man’s way of hiding the existence of aliens from another galaxy? What if Darwin was right and we are all descendants of apes until an alien inserted his DNA and we evolved into power hungry monsters who want more than just bananas?

What if society’s game of politics is rigged so only the chosen one percent can win? And what is it that they win?

Now, you see why I don’t like having too much time on my hands. Next year I must plan a trip. Perhaps I shall go to Transylvania. Maybe I’ll run into my character, The Countess Lorraina Sandoval. She is a most ruthless vampire.

Ooh, what if vampires weren’t real?

Catch you on the dark side.

Nomar Knight

©2014 Copyright.  Nomar Knight. All rights reserved.

A Knight Chills Presentation

Kids Can Be Funny Too

Kids Can Be Funny Too


It’s been awhile since we’ve had a laugh here at Knight Chills so I thought I’d share a couple of emails from the past.

Kids   Are   Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER:  Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA:  Here it is.

TEACHER:  Correct.  Now class, who discovered America? 

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________ 

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?

GLENN:  K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

TEACHER:  No, that's wrong.

GLENN:  Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD:  H I J K L M N O. 

TEACHER:  What are you talking about?

DONALD:  Yesterday you said it's H to O.

 __________________________________ 

TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN:  Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

 _______________________________________ 

TEACHER:  Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.

MILLIE: I is…

TEACHER:  No, Millie... Always say, I am.

MILLIE:  All right.  I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 ________________________________ 

TEACHER:  George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

(This kid is definitely a future horror writer).
 ______________________________________

TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON:  No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 ______________________________

TEACHER:   Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 

HAROLD: A teacher.

 Were you as bad as the next two kids? I was probably worse. 




A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6 year old.  "I think it’s about time we started Cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues "when we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK!


He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Keeping it light! Take care, friends. 

Brought to you by friends of Nomar Knight. 

Dream On!

Dream On!

There was this boy who woke up one night with a nightmare. He cries, “Mummy, Mummy!” His mother came rushing into the bedroom and the boy told her that he had a dream that Grandma died. So a week later, his Grandma died.

The boy woke up another night screaming and he told his mother that he dreamt that Grandpa died. Strangely enough, a week later Grandpa died. The boy woke up yet another night screaming that he had a nightmare in which his father died.

The mother told the father and he became very cautious. He watched his health and treated his body excellently. So a week passed and the postman died.

Sophie went to see a psychiatrist about her husband.

"Doctor, My husband has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"

"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual..."

Sophie leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Jake sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake!"

A distraught man goes to see a psychologist. How may I help you?  The doctor asks, "Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I'm lying in bed and a dozen women walk in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me."

"And then what do you do?" the shrink asks. 

"I push them away," the man says. 

"Then what do you want me to do?" the shrink asks. 

"Break my arms!"

Dream Come True

Three dreams of a man:


To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects…

FAT CHANCE!

Catch you on the dark side.

Nomar Knight

©2011 Nomar Knight. All rights reserved.

A Knight Chills Presentation.

Golden Years Fun

Golden Years Fun

Who says you can't have a good time when you get older? 

However, I do admit to sometimes having problems with my hearing. 

Here's something total shocking!

Told you it was shocking. Can you believe MySpace still exists?



Some things do get worse with time.

Some problems get more unique over time, even for dogs.

How about "accidents" during old age?

I hope that doesn't happen to me. 




With age comes the understanding that perception is everything. 

And although this last one has nothing to do with "old age" fun, whatever and whenever that is; I just couldn't help but include it since I'm sure many of you enjoy rooting for an underdog. 

Besides, it's horror! 


Enjoy your week everyone! 




Catch you on the funny side of the dark side. 




Nomar Knight

© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved. 

A Knight Chills presentation.

The Making of a Perfect Couple

The Making of a Perfect Couple

Let's face it.  Many of us struggle maintaining loving relationships.  So today's post is dedicated to the unique coupling of perfect couples.  The interesting chemistry starts with a date.








Okay fellows.  Women love men who are sincere, at least that's what other women say.  Truth be told, they expect a liar and you should be true to who you are.




Yep! Honesty isn't always the best policy.  Now like all relationships, stormy "Misunderstandings" are inevitable.  Do your best to get through it.





Do you get that fellows? Never admit to doing anything wrong. Especially if you get caught being romantic with someone other than your girlfriend. Not that I condone such deplorable, lowdown, underhanded...


Well anyway, sooner later, numbness well begin to swell your brain to the point you'll agree to stupid things and eventually relinquish the control you thought you had.




All right, you've caved in and given up most of your manhood.  One sure way to tell if your relationship is deteriorating is when her compliments feel as if they've been hurled at you like a sharp object.



Good communication is essential to any relationship. Unfortunately, though it sounds like we're speaking the same language, it slowly dawns on us that we may be mistaken.






Sooner or later, the battles escalate.  So remember, try to be kind and courteous to each other. 











And always listen to the folks who've been there and take their advice.






See you on the other side of darkness. 


Nomar Knight




© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved.

Experiencing Mid Novel Writing Blues?

Experiencing Mid Novel Writing Blues?

There's a rumor going around that many writers get to the middle of their novel and suddenly, the empty pages take over.  It's not writer's block, but more like a fear of success or a natural desire to break with routine.  So in the spirit of helping those who've struggled or are struggling with their masterpiece, this post is for you.

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. 

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes. 

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now." 

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.


"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!" 

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."



I'm really not mean, but some days...

This is what happens when my muse takes over target practice.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. 

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" 

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. 


A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in a second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”



Here's a clue you've just rented an apartment from a notorious crime family.





Before I became a writer, I tried my hand at singing.

Everyone's a Critic!

Most of us ignore the obvious signs throughout childhood that indicate what we'll be in the future.  Here's a glimpse at just one of the many signs that I would be a Horror Writer.




Writing is all about perception.





Okay.  That's enough wandering around for one day.  Time to get back to work and write something entertaining.





If I don't catch you on the dark side, then you can catch me on the lighter side. 


Nomar Knight



© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved.

Poor Guy Moments

 

It's been a stressful week so it's time for some poor guy moments. 

Poor guy 

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.


He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:


"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."


To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

This guy isn't poor.  He's super stupid!

Male Assertiveness 

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.


The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.


He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.


The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.


Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"


"The funeral director," said his wife.

 

Okay, so you got to meet a few poor guys, but I would be remiss to exclude the women folk so here's one just for them. ;-)

Impossible to Please 

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Have a wonderful night!

See you on the funny side of the dark side.  

Nomar Knight

Jokes compiled from variousstuff.net  

And Coolfunnystuff.com 

© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved. 

A Knight Chills presentation.

Snow's Evil Lure

See what happens when you think too much.

Fishing- Eskimo style

An ice fishing competition was organised, in Canada, between a team of ladies from Calgary and a team of ladies from Edmonton. The winners would be the team which caught the most fish.

It became obvious, once the competition had begun, that the team from Calgary were winning. They were hooking out fish after fish.

The Edmonton ladies sent one of their team over to see how they were doing it. Seconds later she sprinted back shouting, 'A hole! We need to put a hole in the ice!' 

There's nothing more fun than showing a little sisterly love.  Accident my eye! Actually, HER face. 


Sometimes you just can't believe everything you read. 

Let Me Explain the Nose Job Procedure

I was tempted to put up a few pictures of what I've been looking at this winter.  You know, sandy beaches, fantastic waves, frolicking whales...but I decided against it because like you, I got 30 inches of snow dumped on me this winter when I visited New York.  Please believe me when I say-- Stay Warm! 

Now go out there and try not to let the barrage of snow turn you into an evil character. [insert evil laugh here]


All the pictures are courtesy of Guy Sports Dot Com 

Check them out. They're funny.

© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved. 

A Knight Chills presentation.