The Birth of a Serial Killer
by Nomar Knight
There's a 21 day junk food challenge going around. I saw one lady who managed to lose a whopping six pounds in three weeks. Um, I don't believe in diets. Here's a list of what you can't eat during the 21 days of hell:
No chocolate (I'm a chocoholic. Why on earth would I want to deprive myself of pleasure)?
No candy (Okay, I'm an older person, um, I mean a big boy).
No biscuits or cookies (I've stayed away though recently melted over chocolate chip cookies).
No cakes, donuts, or muffins. (Shoot me already)!!!!
No pastries (Pretty good at staying away but I am weak).
No white bread (I switched to wheat, turned out that's worse for me). (Loads the gun).
No chips (For goodness sake)!!
No fast food (Been doing a great job at staying away from those poisonous places).
No soda. (Ha! I rarely drink the stuff).
No ice cream (Puts the loaded gun to my head).
It seems to me I would have to sacrifice too much in order to lose a measly six pounds. I could lose the same thing eating healthy alternatives a few times a day and light jogging three days a week. In fact, I had lost 14 pounds in a month in a half with exercise and a change in eating habits. Packed it all back in though when I injured my heel. Now it's back to the drawing board. My foot's much improved.
As a writer, I love to speculate. This is what I think would happen if I tried this 21 day no junk food challenge.
1. Assuming I could go so long without chocolate, I'm sure that I would become a serial killer.
2. No candy means I wouldn't be able to get closer to my targets, (child molesters) at the local candy stores.
3. No biscuits or cookies means limited time to flirt with little old ladies.
4. No cakes, donuts, or muffins means I wouldn't see my police officer friends anymore. Well, there's always the bar.
5. As for the rest of the list, I'm sure my list of victims would grow to politicians and spousal abusers.
So should I try this dumb challenge?
Nah, I'll pass thank you. Would you try the challenge? Have you tried this challenge? I'd like to know your results.
Catch you on the dark side.
© Copyright Nomar Knight 2015. All rights reserved.
A Knight Chills Presentation.