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| Beware the Ides of March: Depression and the Wounded Knight |
The Ides of March forever marked the murder of Julius Caesar. His bloody assassination on March 15th 44 B.C. marked that date as a day of infamy. Through time, the phrase came to represent a specific day of abrupt change, setting off a series of repercussions throughout Roman society and beyond.
Now we're closing in on the Ides of March and a series of difficult days have me swimming in murky waters of depression. My writing has been locked inside a vault of forgotten dreams. It seems no matter what I do, I come up short. The teaching profession is draining me. My main character Oscuro has abandoned me which is ironic since he's the angel of depression.
I live in warm weather year round, yet right now chills run down my spine. I feel as if little by little, my heart grows colder. I'm antisocial by nature and pretty gifted when it comes to analyzing other people's actions. I don't know if I'm misreading things lately, but I feel like a used, discarded condom, totally unappreciated.
Perhaps to some, I am just a ghost, a soft voice to listen to when bored. Real life restrictions have me in chains for freedom to me is but an illusion. Direction eludes me. Maybe I've chosen a lonely profession. To be a writer is to spend many hours alone with a computer and my thoughts. I cherish the flow of words on a page whether it be for a story, my novel in progress, or a poem. Unfortunately, my habit of reading situations for what they really are, splashes a cold dose of reality.
I hope that when the Ides of March finally moves on, I can get back to normal. I hope I can hear a majestic whisper that will kick-start my drive to succeed in the right direction again.
See you on the dark side. I'll be the sad guy in the corner.
Nomar Knight
© Copyright Nomar Knight 2011. All rights reserved.
You know, my depressions come in the summer. I remember my grandmother telling me once when I was in a mopey mood: 'No te hagas plomo porque por la noche todos los gatos son negros'. Which basically meant that I should get over it because things will start to look better soon. (Probably not acceptable advice for people with depression nowadays) Just remember that this slump will very likely help you later on. If you can't feel, you can't write. And don't stop writing!
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