Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Bloodsucking Freaks!

I consider myself a purist when it comes to vampires.  Don't get me wrong.  I appreciate a good bending of the rules when it serves a logical purpose.  Take Blade.  He's a vampire daywalker.  Since the explanation was plausible in my warped mind, I can't see anyone else who's made a vampire in the traditional sense, roaming the country roads in daylight.  As far as I'm concerned, an attempt at shaking up the genre has served to damage it.  Recently, an article was brought to my attention of which I will post a portion of it with Jennifer Lynch's permission.  

Now, I'm in total disagreement with her when it comes to one movie in particular.  I enjoyed the movie UNDERWORLD.  Though I must admit, Jennifer claims we let things go because Kate Beckinsale is super hot!  And she's probably right, but I wouldn't place that movie in this particular list. Here's a portion of the article.  Feel free to follow the link after you read what she has to say about UNDERWORLD.  http://www.toponlinecolleges.com/blog/2011/9-vampire-movies-that-ruined-the-genre/ to read the full article. 

9 Vampire Movies That Ruined the Genre

The vampire film genre, starting with Nosferatu, began as a horror category with very specific rules for what vampires can and can't do. No sunlight, stakes, or American citizenship. But as time has worn on, the genre has grown to encompass all types of movies from comedy to romance to thriller and everything in between, and vampires can come in forms Dracula himself wouldn't recognize. Some of these films have gracefully and believably expanded the genre for fans while others have turned the category into a cinematic joke. Here are 9 vampire movies that effectively ruined the genre.

    This is an obvious choice for movies that ruined the genre for people who normally love it. Of course, for many teenage girls (and even some middle-age women), Twilight's sparkling vampires are the only ones who matter. Not only do these non-traditional immortals prance around in the daylight, they have supernatural strength, drink animal blood rather than that of humans (normally), and spend their free time playing family games of baseball. The author of the Twilight books even admits that she didn't really consider normal vampires when creating her own. Besides the fact that the Cullens, Twilight's clan of vampires, don't fit in with the normal undead, the movie itself is full of bad special effects and teenage angst, and its popularity stakes the death of vampires as we knew them.

    The vampire in this movie is played by Eddie Murphy. If that doesn't convince you that this is an awful film, you should know that Murphy also plays an alcoholic preacher and dons white face to portray an Italian mobster. These alter egos are explained away by a kind of vampire voodoo Murphy's (main) character uses to take over their bodies. Murphy falls in love with a half-vampire lady cop who is supposed to give the film some sex appeal. The movie's tagline promotes it as "a comic tale of horror and seduction," but really just shows how director Wes Craven was spreading himself too thin between genres. Falling in a weird gray area between comedy and horror flick, Vampire in Brooklyn is neither funny, sexy, nor scary and reminds us how overdone vampire movies are.
  3. DRACULA 3000

    Take the classic Dracula story, add Coolio, and set it in space, and you'll haveDracula 3000. In general, when a rapper stars in a film and a classic genre is transported to the final frontier, you know the result is going to be disappointing. But the disaster of Dracula 3000 is even more spectacular than expected. Everything in this movie is terrible, including the writing, acting, and the plot in general. And while the script borrows from the original Dracula using several character names and noting that the vampires hail from the planet Transylvania, the alien vampires don't do justice to the traditional bloodsuckers or the loyal fans of the genre.

    Once Bitten is probably not Jim Carrey's worst movie, but it definitely ranks among the worst vampire movies. Since it's supposed to be a comedy, it accomplishes the purpose the director was going for, but it takes the role of vampire from creepy and mysterious to laughable. Carrey's transformation from human to vampire is overacted, as you might expect, and the movie's climactic scenes involve a dance-off in a high school gym and sex in a coffin. While you might smile occasionally during the film, the premise is slightly confusing, the timeline gets a bit muddled, and the genre here is more teen sex comedy than vampire flick.

    Some people seem to really like Underworld but that probably has more to do with Kate Beckinsale's hot bod than with their love of vampires. And most people would admit that the visuals in the film (besides the eye candy of Beckinsale herself) are striking, but the plot and acting of the film cancel out the positives. The conflict takes place between vampires and a species of werewolves, though it didn't divide audiences nearly as much as the Team Edward or Team Jacob debate of Twilight. Most serious vampire fans and critics hate this movie for its poor character development and unnecessarily complicated back story, but teenage dudes and action lovers will probably enjoy it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you - vamps should be dark and vile, not all mushy... but in saying that I am a HUGE fan of underworld... geez can I contradict myself more:) Hehe