An ice fishing competition was organised, in Canada, between a team of ladies from Calgary and a team of ladies from Edmonton. The winners would be the team which caught the most fish.
It became obvious, once the competition had begun, that the team from Calgary were winning. They were hooking out fish after fish.
The Edmonton ladies sent one of their team over to see how they were doing it. Seconds later she sprinted back shouting, 'A hole! We need to put a hole in the ice!'
There's nothing more fun than showing a little sisterly love. Accident my eye! Actually, HER face.
Sometimes you just can't believe everything you read.
Let Me Explain the Nose Job Procedure
I was tempted to put up a few pictures of what I've been looking at this winter. You know, sandy beaches, fantastic waves, frolicking whales...but I decided against it because like you, I got 30 inches of snow dumped on me this winter when I visited New York. Please believe me when I say-- Stay Warm!
Now go out there and try not to let the barrage of snow turn you into an evil character. [insert evil laugh here]
Hello, you may know me from the Burning Love series here on Knight Chills. I’m Candy, today’s guest blogger.
If you’re not familiar with my ongoing story, I was just a normal young woman looking for love. I thought I found it with a man named Sam. The fact he turned out to be a professional hit-man didn’t sway me away from him. In fact, he trained me how to be a killer, only I can’t take innocent lives. Yes, I’ve had the misfortune of killing a couple of men, but they deserved it. They were bad guys.
So you may be wondering what brings me to guest blog for Nomar. Well, like all women, I deserve attention. The talented Mr. Knight has a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder and I’m the latest victim of his chaotic mind. Instead of revealing to you wonderful readers my troubles, he’s gone off in a constant state of depression. Oh don’t worry, he’s not suicidal or anything, it’s just that an angel of depression has his ear. The fascinating supernatural creature has my favorite writer entombed in a world where Darkness Roams.
Okay, I admit the angel has an extraordinary existence, but damn it, my story came first. (Takes a moment to breathe and change my pouting lips into a tight smile).
Anyway, I need your help. I want Nomar to at least write a couple more episodes of my story and soon. But I’m afraid he thinks no one cares. He knows there are at least two fans of mine… Thank you Awilda and Mary, you guys rock! However, Nomar feels that Oscuro, the fallen angel, needs to be appeased. Please leave comments in this post, encouraging him to continue telling my story. If you don’t…I’m afraid I’ll disappear into the land of forgotten characters. I can’t go there. I’m too beautiful, athletic, and just plain hot. Plus, don’t you guys want to see if I can finally get away from Sam? If I end up running off with my newest lover, Lucas?
Please, I need your help.
NOMAR! COME OUT OF THE DARKNESS FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND WRITE MY STORY!
Tonight, Knight Chills welcomes Indie Erotica Author, Jemima Valentino. She's a highly skilled professional writer who has dared to venture into fiction. Let's find out a little more about this talented author.
Jemima Valentino has worked as a commercial writer for more than ten years. After becoming an industry expert in her chosen field of business, Jemima turned her hand to writing fiction as a pastime, and to her surprise she didn't suck. Jemima writes for pleasure, and her repertoire includes erotica, modern fiction and short stories.
1.Tell us about your latest book.
'His Elle' is an erotic novella centered around the topic of BDSM. It took me 3 months to write, and then a following 15 months to edit, re-edit, edit again, and finally pluck up the courage to actually publish it! Although the subject matter is not to everyone's taste, I am deeply fascinated by the psychology of BDSM and this book attempts to showcase the depth of love and devotion that can stem from such an intensely erotic and trusting relationship.
Blurb:
A creature of beauty and intelligence is a rare breed, especially one who so wantonly offers the submission of her soul to another.
Through a chance meeting at an urgent care clinic, Elle and her Master soon fall unintentionally and desperately in love, embarking on a deeply intense BDSM relationship. Knowing they must soon part, Elle is pushed further than ever before. Through one final limitless display of submission, expertly guided by her Master, can Elle truly release her fears and give him all of her heart?
2.How did you get started as a writer?
I've actually been a commercial writer for about 10 years. I have written hundreds of articles on a professional subject matter (under a different name), which have been published on some of the widest read websites in the world, as well as in the UK national press. The fact is, after a while I found it incredibly tedious and I could never use the full extent of my right brain, or the full extent of my incredibly vivid imagination. I turned my hand to writing short fiction, and then His Elle, which actually started out as short fiction, but soon developed into a novella. Writing fiction is soooo much more fun, don't you think?
3.What’s a typical day like for you?
Well, since I am a brand new author who has only just released my first novella, my typical day normally tends to involve running around after my kids, going to work at my real job and then coming home and running around after my kids. In the evenings, at the weekends and in every single spare moment I have, I squeeze in some writing and marketing my book on twitter, blogs, goodreads and anywhere else I can think of. I've met some amazing people along the way and although the journey has been very short for me so far, I know that I want this as my full time vocation more than I have ever wanted anything else. My resolution is to sell enough books so i can quit my job (and still pay the mortgage) to concentrate on writing full time.
4.What do you like most about reading and writing?
I love to do both as much as possible. I love to read in the bath and can sometimes stay in the tub for over an hour if I have a great book with me. It makes me look and feel like a prune, but it's worth it! I think reading other people's work is essential for any writer. It can keep you fresh and extend your vocabulary. As for writing, I love the fact that I can lose myself in a new story and become my own creation for a while. The best thing however is when a reader tells you that they love your work!
5.Which author influenced you the most?
There are some truly amazing authors in the world and my tastes are eclectic. I wouldn't say one author in particular has influenced me over any other, but I do love an author who can tell a great story and pull you right into the book. Most famously, Stephen King, J.K Rowling and Sue Townsend (Author of Adrian Mole, my favourite series of books...ever), have been able to do this for me and I will continue to read their books until the end of time. However, I also love indie authors and have discovered some amazing talent on my journey so far. There are definitely some indie and self-published books on my reading list for later this year.
6.Tell us 3 interesting things about you.
I don't always believe in Happily Ever Afters - the real world just isn't that simple.
As well as writing, I also love photography and designing pop art.
I'm allergic to rum.
7.Would you say you write specifically for one genre and if not, what’s your favorite genre to write?
Currently, I am writing within the BDSM erotica genre and my next book which I am hoping to release in the Spring 'The House on Hundred Hill', is within the same genre. However, I am also working on a new book for release later this year called 'The Ninth Medium' which is a paranormal romance, and non-erotic. I have no fixed steer on what the future holds for me or the genre of my books, it all depends on what my brain decides to do next!
8.Best and worst part of being a writer?
The best part about being a writer as I mentioned earlier, is having a reader tell you that your book(s) have stirred emotions within them. Whether it be fear, sadness, envy, love or even dislike of your characters, it is you, the writer that has made the reader feel a certain way. They say the most erotic part of the body is the mind and the right words, formed in the right way, can be an incredibly powerful tool.
The worst part about being a writer is the sheer frustration of writers block and self-discipline that it takes to remain focused. At one point, I had the beginnings of six new books on my laptop because I couldn't focus on bringing any one of them to completion.
9.Advice to writers?
A friend of mine told me just last week that you can't be a writer if you don't write. As an indie, it is easy to get caught up in the likes of twitter, relationship building and continuous marketing, but if you don't set some time aside to write something new, then your career will come to a halt pretty damn quickly. I have made a resolution this year that I will sit and write one thousand words, four times a week until my next book is finished, and then I'll start all over again. So far, so good! That is, if I can remain focused.
10.Interesting story about writing
Hmm, I'd love to make up a fabulous story full of sex, murder and intrigue, but honestly it would be an utter lie - or should I say, an utter work of fiction. I just don't have one I'm afraid, but I'm hoping to soon!
Thank you for an insightful and delightful interview, Jemima Valentino and best of luck to you in your career. You can read Jemima Valentino's blog here .
You can purchase the book at Smashwords here
Here's a brief glimpse into her new book, His Elle:
Elle turned the case over in her fingers and found the clasp. She knew she shouldn't open it but she just couldn't resist. She cautiously flipped up the silver toggle and the lid creaked open. She peeked inside and instantly clamped her hand over her mouth to prevent the shriek that threatened to erupt from her throat. Fear and anger simultaneously collided in her head and she felt sick. A wave of nausea surged through her and she dropped the box, sending it tumbling on to the table with a loud thud.
"Oh, my God!" she whispered, as she crumpled to the floor. Her blood ran cold as she caught her breath and gingerly picked it up. Her eyes darted to the door in the vain hope that he hadn't heard the noise. When she was sure she hadn’t been overheard, she carefully placed the case in the bag with the rest of his equipment. For a split second she thought of hiding it, but he had left it there to be put in the bag and he would know if it was missing. Elle took a deep breath, zipped up the bag and returned to kneel on her pillow at the foot of his chair. Her heart was pounding and her eyes shifted between the doorway and the bag knowing the only thing that would get her through this was her complete trust in him.
Normally crazy isn't a good thing, but sometimes it has its uses. I know, you're probably thinking in legal terms. Commit a murder and try and claim temporary insanity, but that's not what I mean. Check out how insanity touched one family.
*Pick Up*
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
*Brief Pause*
"Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead!"
*Long Pause*
*Longer Pause*
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?... Is this 486-5731?"
Okay, anyone who's been around me knows I appreciate how real life provides us with so much material. That's why I get a kick out of some real life headlines. Here are a few:
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalker
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
It's not often a writer comes along and gets this Knight excited about vampire novels. Let's face it, I'm a huge fan of Anne Rice and Laurell K. Hamilton and since many authors have chosen to soften the sexy predators by making them light walking pretty people with fangs, I tend to lose interest. However, I'm please to announce that anything I pick up that's written by Carole Gill seduces me back to the vampire tales I grew to love. So when Carole agreed to give Knight Chills an interview, I jumped for joy.
This gifted writer as two contributions which have proved to be extremely popular with the Knight Chills readers. When you're done reading this interview you can read her amazing tales, Memoir and The Song, which by the way, was tied for story of the year on Knight Chills in 2010.
Without further ado. I give you the great Carole Gill.
A former Manhattanite, Carole Gill resides in England with her husband and two lunatic Parson Russell Terriers.
In 2000 she was selected by North West Playwrights of England for further development but found she preferred fiction writing.
Carole writes dark horror and sci-fi and is widely published in horror and sci-fi anthologies.
The House on Blackstone Moor is her first book and has just been published by Vamplit Publishing.
It is available from Smashwords now and will be in paperback early in 2011.
Carole is at work on her second novel for Vamplit. The story is a very different vampire love story and is tentatively entitled Passionata.
Tell us about your latest book.
The House on Blackstone Moorpublished by Vamplit Publishing is a tale of vampirism, madness, obsession and devil worship set in 19th century England. Integral to the plot is the taboo subject of the central character Rose’s abusive childhood and how a father's unnatural love for his child changed her life and her fate forever.
Rose Baines, only survivor of the bloody carnage of her family’s murder, perpetrated by her incestuous, suicidal father, survives her imprisonment in an infamous madhouse only to be given a position as governess at Blackstone House, a house built on accursed moorland. Nothing is as it seems and those who make the house on Blackstone Moor their home have hideous secrets, but the most hideous secret of all is kept hidden away in the cellar.
There are demons and fallen angels and a glimpse into hell itself for Rose, but there is also love from one who is damned, however it comes at a terrible cost.
This is not paranormal romance with racy bits. As my publisher, Gaynor Stenson of Vamplit Publishing says, ‘this is gothic romance in its truest form. A novel that even Mrs. Radcliffe might have gasped at whilst reading and that Matthew Lewis could have been shocked by.’
How did you get started as a writer?
There were two phases. The writing surfaced quite unexpectedly when I was 8 years old and wrote about a Martian invasion of earth. I continued to write but then life got in the way as it often does.
My second cycle of writing began in 2000 after a marriage break up and after the death of my mother.
I joined a writer’s workshop under the amazing leadership of Clive Hopwood here in England. Clive is an author and playwright who is devoted to teaching the craft. He encouraged me to try anything which I did.
I was selected by North West Playwrights of England for further development but found I preferred fiction writing.
I remarried and it is because of my husband’s kind support and belief in me that I started sending out stories seriously in 2009.
All but one was accepted and that one was re-submitted and became story of the month for a different publication!
I wrote constantly—whether I submitted or not. It is only in writing that our style and technique matures I believe. Having said that there are highs and lows and great challenges, but why not take up any challenge?
Who knows what can be achieved?
What’s a typical day like for you?
Typical day:husband leaves for work and I take our two dogs out and then write until he comes home.
I have to promote my novel now and it’s tougher than the writing was!
There’s promotion, networking plus writing. I am working on my second novel for Vamplit which is to be released later this year.
To summarize I spend 90 percent of my time writing a day (weekends too) and 10 percent on household chores. I have a very understanding husband!
What do you like most about reading and writing?
Reading takes me out of myself. It is an adventure to be treasured. Open a book and you step into another world. Reading is the greatest of escapes. It is also of great benefit to writers as they can see how others’ work.
With regard to my writing:
I can write of worlds and people that move me. I enjoy depicting the monsters that dwell among us for there are such beings. And they tend to be quite human. I think sadly my first marriage shaped my writing.
Also, I love history and enjoy stepping back into other worlds and times.
As for contemporary settings, those tend to be depicted in my short stories. Horror and sci-fi are my favorites to write. Sci-fi and horror blend well together because sci-fi has the element of the unknown within it, thus it is natural for horror to be present.
I enjoy depicting good vs. evil. Supernatural and human evil are very interesting to write about as I have done in my novel because in my opinion human evil can give supernatural evil a run for its money anytime!
Which author influenced you the most?
Daphne du Maurier did. I read Rebecca when I was 12 and my best friend and I used to read passages aloud.
It had the greatest influence on me bar none. From the opening line: "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again..."
Those few words sweep the reader right into the novel because we want to know where this place is and why it was dreamt about. And who is this narrator? What happened and so on.
In short, we are hooked!
And then you have the story of a young woman who becomes wife to the enigmatic Max and goes to live in Manderley but is detested by the evil housekeeper, Mrs. Danvers. We ask why, what is behind that hatred?
We must find out! That, in my opinion, is a book to be devoured!
I love so many of du Maurier’s books, yes they most definitely shaped my writing.
Tell us 3 interesting things about you.
I went to acting school
I’d live in the past if I could.
Worry is my middle name sometimes.
Would you say you write specifically for one genre and if not, what’s your favorite genre to write?
Yes horror and gothic romance is my thing. I want to take gothic romance where it has never gone before. I think for today’s reader it must have darker themes and far bolder storylines while retaining the majesty of the gothic narrative.
Best and worst part of being a writer?
Best is the sense of accomplishment when your work is published or even when it is completed!
The worst aspects are the tremendous ups and down that I know many writers go through, myself among them.
It is a hugely difficult thing to write, you work in utter isolation. Yes there is networking but basically you work alone. You start out with one blank page and even when you fill it, there is the next and the next. The trick is not to ever be intimidated but to extrapolate from your mind your ideas for stories and characters.
And despite the isolation and the various setbacks, you go on because you must, because it’s in you to write.
Advice to writers?
One thing I would advise is not to spend too much time away from your writing. Social networks are fun and they can be great for networking too, but they will be there later when you finish your writing for the day.
Interesting story about writing
An interesting story about writing? Hmmm. Well, truthfully I felt a let-down after I completed my novel! I guess it was because I had worked on it for so long and then it was gone and I had to focus on other things.
I read many authors refer to that as ‘post novel depression’ which I think is not only apt but hysterical. It helps to think of it that way. It made me smile and that helped!
I am full steam ahead now for I have plunged myself into the world of writing to be published and there is no turning back.
The seas are calm and the weather good, but I am ready for any storm and so should any writer be!
Thank you Carole Gill for an inspiring, revealing, and wonderful interview. Best of luck to you and I look forward to reading more of your work. To purchase Carole's book at Smashwords click on the book cover or here. You may visit her blog here.
I apologize for not having the next episode of Burning Love ready, but I'm having way too much fun writing a new book, DARKNESS ROAMS. In the near future I will provide a synopses, but for now I suggest you join me on a brief journey that just may satisfy a burning desire. If you're like me, you look for a sign that things will finally be different. You search for a magic remedy that will solve all of your problems. Well, that won't happen here. However, I do have a small collection of signs and perhaps some of them may amuse you.
Sometimes it pays to be selfish or a chicken.
Conspiracy Theory Alert!
Just another way to battle overpopulation.
I wonder how many of us said this prayer on January 1st, 2011.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not attend at this church.
Darn! I had a list of people I wanted to throw in there.
Yet another reason to fight against illiteracy.
Thanks for visiting Knight Chills. I leave you with this last bit of wisdom.
